Monday, December 05, 2005

Who Needs Enemies When We Have Ourselves?

I have the job of my dreams, and I am still ready to lose my mind. Isn't it weird how we can talk ourselves into craziness?

I spent years working the day job and writing from 4am to 8am every day, plus lunches and nights and weekends. I was so determined to sell and become a published author with a sustaining career. I wrote 18 books in 4 years while working 50-60 hours a week at a draining day job. The stress was incredible and everyday I felt like I couldn't take it one more day, but each day I did it again until I finally reached my dream.

Now, I'm a full time author, and I'm so stressed I'm losing my mind! I have a book due 2/1 that's about 80 pages from being finished (first draft). No problem! Then two weeks ago, I sold two books to HarperCollins (which is awesome and I'm so grateful for the opportuniy, of course!), and the first one is due 1/15. Suddenly I have a whole other book to write in the time I was supposed to write only one!

And now I'm flipping out! I've worked out my calender and I have plenty of time, even if I run into trouble. I even can take Christmas off. My paranormal due 2/1 is in pretty good shape. Everything is going so well, but I'm so stressed that my neck hurts, my head is killing me and I can't even think straight. Why? Becuase I'm worried about missing my deadlines. Ridiculous, I know. I have plenty of time and they are still 5-7 weeks away. But I'm worrying about it anyway. Why am I doing this to myself? Why create stress where there is none? I have no idea.

So I finally left the computer at five o'clock today, hopped on the exercise bike and rode like a madwoman until I was too tired to be stressed. And then my head cleared, and I realized I working myself up into a frenzy for no reason. I had half the stress I used to have, but I had managed to amplify it to fill in the gaps so I could be fully stressed again.

No more.

I refuse to succumb. I will not get worked up about crises that haven't occurred yet. I will enjoy each moment of my day, enjoy the wonder of writing a story, bask in the career I worked so hard to attain.

Stress is everywhere around us, but it's up to us whether we let it get to us. So much easier to say "blow it off" than to actually do it, but the power is within us. It's within me, and I'm going to do it.

Just say "no" to stress! I will not succumb!

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