No longer.
It occurred to me, finally, that there was more to a fine movie viewing experience than subtitles, death, and confusion. For instance, there were male chests, preferably, bare. Therefore, I invented the Bare Male Chest (BMC) movie rating system, which, although I am too lazy to research the matter, I am fairly sure is unique in the movie reviewing world. The key thing to remember when using the BMC is that we are judging the movie by the quantity and quality of bare male chests ALONE. Thus, although any one of the LORD OF THE RINGS movies was chock full of male beauty, sadly none—and this is where having a male director can be problematic—had any bare chests. As a result, LOTR ranks a -7 on the BMC scale, extra points having been deducted out of sheer disappointment.
Contrast this with THE FANTASTIC FOUR, which was NOT one of the most well-written movies of 2005, but which redeemed itself—at least in the BMC—by t

Recently, I watched THE TRANSPORTER, which, I think, can be best described as a Hong Kong martial arts movie that takes place in France and stars an Englishman, Jason Statham. And, boy, does Jason star in it. It seems that when approached by a dozen or more bad guys, the first thing your English


And then there is Hugh Jackman. Sigh. Hugh deserves his own special room in the BMC Hall of Fame for his selfless willingness to take off his shirt on the smallest pretense imaginable. Case in point: SWORDFISH, a movie that, by any other criteria is pure dreck, but which contains the infamous Hugh Playing Golf in Only a Towel scene. He also happens to be on top of a trailer whilst playing golf in only a towel, but I must say that few women noticed this in the theater. They were too busy mentally willing that towel to drop. Ladies, I give you SWORDFISH, a perfect 10 in the BMC.